Two Months Down

Almost Volunteers. This past week has been a turning point as all the trainees had the chance to start executing self-directed projects and had a better idea of what volunteer work is going to be like. The mantra of the Municipal Development group is, “It happens” because in Honduras, and in community work, especially, things do happen and that’s just the way it is. For example- meetings starting late, only half the people expected showing up, being asked to rescheduled an already confirmed workshop on the day and time it was about to take place,

Last Tuesday, I gave my first ever charla (workshop/lecture) in Spanish to a group of high school students. My subject was self-esteem. A school director had requested this on top of the original plan for a leadership workshop because she believed some kids she had in mind could use a lecture on self-esteem, so I accepted the challenge. It was nerve-wracking enough having to come up with the material on my own and having to facilitate the entire thing in Spanish before the “special “students. For a while I felt like the whole thing was a scene right out of Dangerous Minds as I went into a run down classroom, with some seats turned over and the students were eyeing me, bored out of their wits, wondering what in the world I was about to do with them. But I believe I pulled it off and that experience represented what my Peace Corps experience is going to be like. I didn’t let the circumstances intimidate me, sucked up my courage from somewhere, stuck to my plan and at some point, I became comfortable in my skin. I managed to engage the group until the end and even though I didn’t get a standing ovation in the end, I knew I did my job.

I actually felt better in the end that I didn’t get the “perfect, enthusiastic” crowd for because it made my experience more real. Volunteer life will never be a walk down a path laced with rose petals nor will everyone come out of every activity I lead a changed person. Somewhere along my workshop, I let go of my script and just spoke extemporaneously (still in Spanish) on what I thought those kids needed to hear. I made them repeat one by one before the class their life goals that we had discussed earlier. I told them that all of their dreams were possible, but they will not come for free. That success took hard work, but with more successes in life, come a greater sense of pride. That I was once a student like them, bored out of my mind at times with school and lectures like the one I was giving, but I wanted to make something of myself so I took life seriously. I told them that my greatest dream for the longest time was to be a Peace Corps Volunteer and that I am about to live that dream because I worked hard for it. Most of the 18 kids I had in the group still looked at me with glassy eyes after this speech, but there were a handful who kept their ears peeled until the end and clearly got the point. They are the fertile ground where my first seeds got planted. I figure if I keep this going, after the two years, I would have covered a vast area of real estate.

HIV Reality. In addition to addressing self-esteem, today the trainees gave a workshop to high school kids on HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. Yes, my second charla in a week; I’m definitely on a roll. Yesterday we had a “training of trainers” where we received the same workshop we replicated today. It was a great experience to receive a formal training and then immediately be able to put it into practice. The method was very effective and participative and definitely paid off with engaging the kids. They sure enjoyed those bananas.

This is as close I have ever been to the graveness and urgency of the issue of the epidemic, with Honduras being the hotbed of AIDS for Central America. This is also the first time I’ve actively done something about it…well, a step further from my AIDS Walk and Marathon participation. It was pretty surreal talking to thirteen year olds about the ABCs (abstinence, be faithful, condoms) but it really is the age in this country (well, the rest of the world, really) that things begin. So I guess it is better to favor the side of caution than ignorance, or even denial. Which is the state of what most people are here- the “deed” is never talked about within the family; parents don’t educate the kids out of being “conservative” or just plain ignorant because the majority of adults themselves are unaware of the reality of AIDS and how it is transmitted. Infidelity is the norm and it is very common that a man would infect his wife without either one of them ever finding out or until it’s too late. Or at times the man would know he is infected but would continue with his reckless promiscuity regardless. The kind of myths that people have about HIV/AIDS here also demonstrate how misunderstood the disease is- one kid from today’s charla shared that he heard that if a woman is to bear a child every year, it would reduce or eliminate her chances of contracting the disease. Another one is some men have taken their wives’ birth control pills or have taken the injection for themselves thinking that would prevent their infection. Umm…Houston, we definitely have a problem.

I am grateful for having learned and experienced a lot this past week. I also appreciate that we, as future volunteers, are encouraged to give these charlas every chance we can in our respective communities. Having shed my apprehensions and with my Spanish bound to get better, giving these workshops should become easier and useful. Now only if I knew what community I’ll be in.

Veil of Mystery. We are three weeks away from being real volunteers and yet we still don’t know where our sites are going to be. Our Project Manager knows, but she is holding out for two more weeks, supposedly to sustain our interest and attention for training. Allegedly, volunteers in the past just slacked through the remainder of training soon after they found out their sites. So we are being punished for the sins of our ancestors. Argh. We are all restless, impatient…and helpless.

However, I did find out a little more information from my recent interview about my future site- that I will be placed in one of the larger cities and will be working directly with the municipality. Doing exactly what, I’m not sure- but something along the lines of organizing the different agencies and getting the municipality in shape. If it will be anything like the municipalities I’ve seen so far, then I definitely have a few ideas in mind. The highlight of my interview, however, was finding out that my Project Manager actually heeded my request to find a way for me to have a secondary project that will enable me to do something related to visual and performing arts. Hence, I will also be working with the casa de cultura of the same municipality, which is basically the cultural center of that town in charge of all arts related activity. Golden!! If this cultural arm turns out as active and progressive like my manager described it, then I’ll definitely be floating in air. I just want to be able to do the things that I enjoy and use my talents in every way I can.

Speaking of which, to add on to my line of charlas under my belt, I’m actually preparing to give another one for our group next week on web design concepts and how websites can be useful for the municipality and organizations. Well, who would’ve thought- rusty on web skills and having thought I had to give up my design life for two years and plagued with a fried laptop and yet, here I am preparing for a session on web design and technology. With initiative and a kind friend loaning her computer to me, ¡si se puede! (It's possible!) I’m very thankful that I’m beginning to realize that my two biggest love, dancing and design, are slowly showing their faces again and are promising a future of keeping me busy and happy.

Raining Manna. So I’m pretty much a destitute, officially, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. Actually, I’ve been feeling pretty wealthy lately, at least in all the other aspects. One reason is that I’m just really excited to finally become a volunteer and start working. Everything I’ve experienced in the past two weeks and what I have to look forward to for work have all been encouraging and exciting. I’m really fortunate to have been assigned to a program that really suits my interests and even squeeze in my other extraneous passions, i.e., the arts.

Then, there is the loving I’ve been getting through phone calls, snail mail and e-mails. I can’t express enough how comforting it is to have dearly beloveds stay in touch. The past few days, it hit me how much of them are going through major, exciting changes. All by choice. Big and bold steps being taken left and right; my heart is leaping and singing right now. Four life-long friends have been engaged to their respective beloveds, another one will be packing up some suitcases to give the fashion world a run for its money. A sister just crossed the finish line with all her might, got a gold medal and discovered the extent of her inner strength, while another one crossed the finish line of the corporate world and is about to become her own boss, the same goes for a cousin in the orient. Then there are those loved-ones, waiting in the backstage for their turn to chase their dreams- a ball of fire contemplating serving the world, my mamacita about to spread her wings, a newly found long-lost friend inching her way to the doors of all the nations, the love of my life finally taking the slow lane to smell the roses…and hopefully, listen to the music.

I’m so happy about these things that my lonesomeness has diminished. Even though I’m by myself here, I feel as if I have the company of everyone above in the journey I am taking- of self-discovery and doing more meaningful things, of bravery and making the ultimate commitment to self, love, and spirit.

Getting There. The day I become an official volunteer in September is not only the day a long-time dream comes true, but also the day I get to start chasing my other dreams. I am grateful for the peace I hold in my heart now, but more than anything for the love. This love of mine and faithfulness to whatever I can imagine have led me this far and it brings me great joy that the important people in my life are starting to be as true to their hearts. I remember before when they were just hearing the whisperings of their desires. I don’t see the big picture completely, nor can I fathom what it could be like, and yet, I already sense its greatness. Not just for me, but for everyone else who learn to believe, dream, want and work like I have discovered- with reckless abandon. After all, happiness is happiest when shared, so as early as now, I’m already in solidarity with the excitement of the first steps being taken by my loved-ones, along with the trials that will come, and ultimately, the sweetness of perseverance realized. How beautiful and kind life is indeed, for those who look at it the right way, and want it as such, no matter what.

Warm Cornflakes for the Soul

I previously only heard about it from other trainees, but last Monday, for the first time, I was served the infamous cornflakes with warm milk and sugar. It has actually grown on me…well, at least the warm milk part. As for the sugar, that’s another story. It comes with everything in liquid form. Zuko (equivalent to Tang) is automatically served with lunch and coffee with dinner (not breakfast, I don’t know why) and both come with sugar already- seemingly with 50% content. Almost a week into being with a new family, I’ve declared to them that diabetes is hereditary in my real family and I’m a potential candidate and that I often suffer from dehydration, hence, water is best for me. I thought I made it clear that I prefer my cereal without sugar, but it still seems sweet to me, but as for the rest of the meals, I have managed to dodge everything and stick to H2O.

Just small adjustments to this new life in a new city with a new family for field-based training. Everything is different here in La Esperanza I can’t say things are better or worse in comparison to Santa Lucia, as both places have their plus and minuses, they’re just different. The change has been well-received, however. It is nice to lead a life beyond the confines of the training center, away from an elementary schedule and lifestyle.

New family. Apart from the sugar situation, everything has been great with my new host family. I have a teacher mom, an accountant dad, who works 7 days a week, and three siblings aged between 16 and 20. They have a seemingly different lifestyle from my last family- humble, but not exactly primitive. They have an electric stove but only use it rarely and cook most meals using the fogon, or wooden oven. As in with firewood and a furnace and all that good stuff. Nobody has a cellphone, but they do have two TVs. Also, for a few days I didn’t think they had a refrigerator since I didn’t see one in the kitchen- until I walked into the living room and found a massive one there. Pretty interesting. But the best perks would have to be that their tortillas are homemade (I am currently in training) and I have my own hot shower!! Woohoo! A nice break from the ice cold mornings I’ve gotten used to.

More importantly, however, is that my family is great to talk to. Especially the mom and one of my sisters. I spend a lot of my time conversing with them- the most memorable one being one evening when electricity was out for a long time and yet, time flew by. My sister is everything opposite the typical Hondureñan youth- hates reggaton but is passionate about rock music, loves black clothing and wants to pursue a career in Military Psychology (or along the lines of) which will take about 12 years of study. She can also crank out about a million tortillas a minute. I am in perfectly good hands.

A Preview of Municipal Development. The nice thing about training here is that Spanish classes are done in different homes and luckily, I reached a level where I only have to go to class three out of five days a week. Which means, I have more time for the community project. The main goal of being in this town is to get hands on experience working with a municipality, a community-based organization and a student government. There are three groups working in three different municipalities and the other day we were able to meet different mayors (and vice-mayors) and start making contact with the people in the municipalities. How do I describe the experience? For now, let me just say this, DMV would be a perfect institution compared to what is here. It merits its own entry and I will paint a better picture once I have spent more time in and have a much closer look.

But for now, I am grateful be a step to closer into figuring out what being a community developer really is and finding a way to be useful where help is really needed.

Of Basuras and Bolos. La Esperanza is in the department (equivalent to a U.S. state) of Intibucá and is one of the poorest parts of the country. It is here that I may have seen a better representation of the country’s situation. Honduras is infamous for its bolos or borrachos, i.e. drunks. It’s not uncommon to find one, or several of them, passed out on the side of a street or some random doorstep. A slightly comical sight the first couple of times, but seriously a tragic reality. Supposedly, drinking here starts on Fridays and go on until Monday, so the most common day for bolo sightings is Sunday. Most of these people are vendors from out of town whose earnings never make it back to their families because they spend it all on guaro (bolo’s drink of choice- cheap, potent, pretty much like gasoline as one local described it to me; often laced with lead, as in, lead the mineral).

A slightly more popular sight than a bolo would be basura. Trash, trash everywhere. Even on top of the mountain, when I went hiking last month, I saw food wrappers. People walking down the street would nonchalantly toss their garbage on the ground, or out of a moving vehicle. And I mean soda bottles or food scraps- nothing discreet at all. The sad thing is, the people can’t be completely blamed for their bad habits. Waste collection service is non-existent in a lot of places, so people are left to find creative ways of "managing" their trash. If only the people were educated better, waste management shouldn’t have gotten out of hand, which brings me to…

Education. In a word, this is both the biggest problem of the country and what anyone wanting to help out should set as a priority. This is a heated issue right now with all the teachers nationwide on strike, protesting the president’s reneged promises. I have heard both sides and am sympathetic to certain points of both parties, but bottom line, there is a huge problem that needs to be fixed. ASAP. Here is a snapshot: out of 200 class days last year, only 92 days were completed due to the never ending strikes, and generally, only a small percentage of students get through high school. It is not uncommon at all to find cities with mayors having only an elementary education. I have only been here over a month and most week days, I found kids being out in the street instead of in school. Also, does child labor ring a bell, anyone?

Having seen this, I realize that any development work to be done here by anyone will essentially be on education. There are so many issues to choose from. Let’s not forget that Honduras also has the highest HIV rate in Central America. If I may surmise, the same should go for teen pregnancy. Thirteen, fourteen year olds having babies everywhere. There are families with up to fifteen kids. Out of the ordinary? Sadly, no.

This is not only a poorly educated population, but an impoverished one. To add insult to injury, an everyday sight would be a local walking some distance on muddy, unpaved streets, carrying a heavy load, while SUVs drive past with music blasting, carrying the beautiful, rich people. In a way, this has been my reality too- carless and living on a stipend, I have begun to be in solidarity with some of the people’s plight. But not exactly, for my situation is temporary and by choice. I can go back to my cushy life in the States now if I wanted to. Choice. I have one, the rest of them don’t.

Argh. Where does one begin? With one person, realistically. In training, we are constantly reminded that we are not here to change the world or save a community. We are not even to see the fruits of our labor within our two year tenure. But we are here to plant seeds, to open eyes, to show alternatives. To empower and instill pride. Be it with a child or a small group of women.

My conversation with my sister over candle light was a dose of hope. The most poignant insight she shared with me was that she doesn’t care too much for going to the U.S., like the rest of her countrymen. She said she believes it will be best for her and her country to stay here and do good things here. She even taught me words to poke at those impregnated early, making it clear that she isn’t about to be a statistic. Sure she loves Blink 182 and loves her black skirt with black knee-high boots- but she is a catracha (native) through and through. And whenever I see her rhythmically churn out the tortillas as she bobs her head to a reggaton (which she puts up with for her sister’s sake) song, I don’t think she is about to forget who she is anytime soon.

One Month Down

A little over a month into training and time has finally started going a little faster. This weekend my training group is moving to La Esperanza for field based training where we actually get to leave the classroom life and get to know the community and do something similar to our future work. The change of environment will be greatly welcomed and perhaps then, things will start to feel a little more like what I signed up for.

Not quite 22. A big reason I´m pretty anxious for change is that I discovered recently that out of a group of 51, the majority of the other trainees are between 22-24 years old. Fresh out of school. So it´s no surprise that I often feel like I´m in spring break or in one big soiree. I´m the second oldest in the group, with the eldest one being over 50 years old. I´m not quite in the level of the fresh grads, but not quite where 50 is, either, so finding someone I can relate to has ben tricky. But thankfully there are some people close to 28 or at least act more mature than most in the group. Nevertheless, it is a surreal feeling being back in an environment where we are treated like kids precisely because some people are acting as such. Restless for partying, pissing away money as if we´re still earning dollars, complaining about cultural differences. Last time I checked, it was the Peace Corps I signed up for, not summer camp, right? I know I´m a kid myself and will stay young forever deep down, but c´mon, there´s a big difference between being child-like and child-ish! But being the more mature person I am, I see and understand where the young-uns coming from so I just try my best not to get distracted by all the juvenile behavior.

Quiet time. As homesick I have been lately, well, people-sick, really, I am thankful for the amount of quiet time I get to have now. Even when I start to get lonely, especially at night, under my mosquito net, I feel good knowing that I didn´t spend my day being stressed over things that used to get to me. Sure the amount of homework and just adjusting in general are exhausting, but bottom line, I go back to the fact that if I wasn´t here, I would just feel lost. It has also been wonderful reconnecting with friends and catching up with life. Even though I don´t get to respond to e-mails right away, I read what I can and go home reflecting on everyone´s letters and get I get to give some more thought on my own answers. I knew life was getting bad in the U.S. when I had all the technology at my fingertips to connect with people in an instant, and yet, I couldn´t keep in touch. It is great hearing from people from all over and feeling closer to them than ever, even when I am here by myself in a different corner of the world.

Seeing more. I´ve said this a lot of times already, but I will keep saying it- this place reminds me of the Philippines so much. Furthermore, I practically feel like I am back in the Philippines. This time, however, living from the perspective of a low-income lifestyle. I have had a chance to see a few more places here and the more I see of people´s lives and learn of the country´s politics and culture, the more it rings of home.

I evaded politics for a good period of time simply out of distaste. Growing up in Manila and seeing what I have, there wasn´t much motivation to have faith in any form of government and realistically expect progress and equality for all. But I always secretly hoped for it. In the U.S., I tried to be a good citizen, at a minimum, by voting and knowing some figures in office (not all Americans can claim these two things!) but politics still wasn´t my cup of latte.

How ironic that I now find myself at the lion´s mouth of government work. Maybe I never did give up hope. I find the opportunity to work in municipal development my chance to get a first hand look on how the wheels of politics run and finally understand it, but more importantly, to get my hand in it. I never found myself eloquent in matters of political discourse at a theoretical level- all that I could really talk about were the realities of poverty, pain and suffering I have seen. I was fortunate to have lived comfortably amidst an impoverished nation and later on experience everything great about America. Nevertheless, I couldn´t escape the reality of the rest of the world and how it made me feel, even as I sipped my four dollar coffee. So here I am .

I have been questioned, even rhetorically, why I´m serving in Honduras instead of the Philippines, where my help is just as badly needed. I don´t have the perfect answer right now, but I do know that everything I do right now is all eventually going to go back to where my heart truly belongs. I figure, with all the similarities between Honduras and Philippines, my time here will be well spent learning and understanding something that was once just confusing and tragic to me.

At a minimum, I am representing well of who a Filipino is and what the Philippines is like- without sugar-coating. I can´t begin to express right now the extent of my love and devotion to my mother land. It may not be evident in my looks, the music I listen to, how well I speak English or what part of the world I am now, but I am as brown as brown can get deep inside. It´s also interesting how I´ve lost the cultural identity issues I used to have when it comes to being simultaneously being Filipino and American. Being here has given me a greater appreciation of what it is to be an American and a better understanding of who one really is. The U.S. is a nation of immigrants, and an immigrant I am indeed- like the rest of the country, at one point in time. Being in Honduras, I am representing the U.S. as an American, and as an American, I am representing Filipinos. There is no conflict. I love every opportunity I´ve gotten to demonstrate that and it has been pretty darn cool.

So I end this by saying, I can´t wait to get past the theory part and start taking my small steps to at least trying to go towards creating progress and development for all. Maybe if I keep reminding myself this, all the raucous of 22-somethings acting like kids during lunch time wouldn´t bother me as much anymore.

My Life, Thus Far

My everyday routine. Been getting up early and take my time on the stroll up the five semi-hills up to the training center, which is pretty muc like school. It definitely feels like it with a 730-430 schedule and a ton of homework afterwards. At the end of the day I try my luck at the internet café and do what I can with usually a half hour slot and head home, if the connectionis running at all. Then I help out with preparing dinner which has become my bonding time with my host mom and a good way to learn how to make the local eats. I linger a bit after dinner to watch some telenovela with the like La Fea Mas Bella or Pasion es Prohibida or some American film dubbed in Spanish. Quality programming, I know. Ideally, I should´ve done my homework at this point, since I do not have a desk in my room and have to do all my studying in their patio-like area which either gets really cold or too bug/mosquito infested after 8 p.m. Any work or reading I do in my room immediately leads to passing out.

My Mosquito Net. All the trainees were required to use mosquito nets which I really appreciated as soon as I started identifying at least three different species of bugs in my room. Whenever I see them crawling on the walls, I feel protected within the safety of my mosquitera- and layers of insect repellant which we are also required to apply on a daily basis.
Weekends. This is when I usually have been doing my laundry (i.e. by hand) and ironing and sometimes meet with trainees for a school project. I have also gone to the campo, which is the gorgeous football field they have situated hillside and having a picturesque view of the surrounding mountains. I only go to watch games and hang out, I haven´t quite desired to turn into Pele or Ronaldinho, not especially after Brazil lost in the World Cup. Painful, painful.

Last weekend I went on a hike with a couple of other people to a national park called La Tigra. I think it was my first time to hike an entire mountain- I wasn´t quite expecting to do that when I was told there was a nice “trail” we could hike on. Seven hours later, drenched from the forest rain, we emerged victorious. I was ecstatic to have survived and would know better next time when somebody invites me for a stroll through the mountains. It was gorgeous, though. As rough the terrain was on the down hill with the rain pouring, at some point it just became peaceful and my mind just wandered in the clouds- which was where we practically were.

Social Life. Surprisingly, I have been able to go out dancing the past three weekends I´ve been here. The first Saturday, the host families put together a welcome party for us held in the school and even had a DJ – complete with strobes and all that good stuff. For some of us, as long as there was music, that was all we needed. Once in a while there is a party held at one of the social centers they have here and of course all the trainees are all over that. There was a smoke machine when we went....ooh. Aside from that, there´s this local dive that all the trainees go to regularly for their cervezas and it occasionally plays music in a back room which we will invade. Apart from that, it was either seeing the football games together (over by now) or just getting together for cafe con leche. We are in a rural area afterall, and until the ban is lifted on going to the capital, it usually is an early night for most of us.

It´s all about the Benjamins. Uh, what Benjamins? Cash here is actually in Lempiras, or limps, as we refer to it. It´s tragic that everything here is pretty dirt cheap ($1=Lps. 18), but then again I don´t have the U.S. dollars to roll with…especially not with the Lps. 50/day we get for our walk around allowance. $2.50. Pitiful, I know. But for now it´s actually sufficient since all my meals are covered by my family anyway. All my extra money goes to this internet place, which thankfully is pretty cheap. Way cheaper than sending snail mail- which will cost Lps. 40 PER letter. Crazy! So my peeps will definitely hear from me the cyber way more than ever, as much as I love writing snail mail. Gotta keep up with the Math whether I like it or not.
It´s not so bad, though, as we´re bound to get more moolah (I hope!) when we get to our actual sites in September. But this early though, I will begin the fundraising for “Buy Leah a Refrigerator Fund” as our move-in allowance definitely will not cover that. It´s usually a luxury that volunteers acquire. But I have a few more months before I worry about that.

Looking Ahead. This weekend we will be doing our Volunteer Visits where each of us are paired with an existing volunteer in the country to see what their life and work are like and gain exposure. Which also means we get to travel! Hooray! My first real trip beyond the confines of training. I was actually paired with another trainee to visit a married couple in Choluteca- which is down south, close to Nicaragua. It should be fun- and educational of course. Then in two weeks, we are to pack up and sort of start over again for our Field Based Training, which will be in La Esperanza. We will be there for a month to put our theory training into practice, basically. I will be staying with another host family but eventually go back to Santa Lucia for a few more weeks before we get sworn in. September 8 is the big date, baby. When it all becomes official.

For now I´m just taking things one day at a time, living off on mail and phonecalls to stay connected to home and taking in the new things that everyday brings. Nothing too exciting, I know, but so far, so good.

Giving Thanks

People I know have always had an impression of me as being very independent and brave and all that good stuff. I wouldn´t argue with that but now that I have more time on my hands to reflect on things both trivial (Should I put the layer of insect repellant first or the sunblock?) and profound (Will I really make a positive effect?), I have come to realize that the road to where I am was an independent decision but getting here was made possible by an entire village.

I find it interesting and admirable that more than half the people whom I have told that I was going to join the Peace Corps responded with something like, “I, too, want/ed to do something like that.” I, too, was one of the people who used to say that to others, and now I feel privileged to have crossed the line and to be finally doing something I always wanted to do.

I have been especially overwhelmed over the past few weeks with all the help I have received to get me to where I am. People often tell me they admire me for being able to do whatever I want and having the courage, when they don´t have any idea that I never really do things on my own. It is the people I have been surrounded with who have planted seed after seed and nurtured them, and I, more than anything, just followed through. We, as people, really have the ability to be affected by other people´s slightest acts and fewest words – and it is in our power as well to decide whether to be affected by the negative or the positive ones. Guess which road I have chosen.

This is to acknowledge all the people who have shaped me – ranging from those I have known all my life to acquaintances who touched or inspired me anyway by sharing a good word or pointing me to the right direction.

The past few months, up to the day of my departure, exemplifies how there was always someone helping me with each step to get to the next. Starting with those who supported my decision to apply for the Peace Corps from the beginning and didn´t have to ask why; those who didn´t understand why, but supported me anyway; those who always knew I´d make it when I wasn´t so sure myself. Then there are those who helped me financially without even being asked- people coming out of the woodworks left and right pledging and blessing me with what they have such that I don´t have to worry about the school loan I continually have to pay the next two years even without an income. I can´t get over the fact how ultimately I didn´t have to borrow another loan to pay for a different one, and the amount I ended up getting was just enough to cover the school payments for the next couple of years. Am I blessed or what? And then there are those who took me under their wings whether as a visitor in their homes or as a nomad and shared their time and their warmth whether for a couple of hours or a few weeks. Those who wrote me kind words and gave me things to bring with me so I would always have a piece of home and my life with me. Those who constantly prayed for and still are praying for me. Those who didn´t say much but made me feel their love and support regardless.

And throughout my life, I acknowledge the people who molded me slowly be giving me a piece of themselves and their time- those who trusted me with their thoughts, shared their art, writings and music. Those who encouraged every pursuit I had from going for everything I can ever have to suddenly giving them all up. Those who drew me closer to God, through their words and by their example; for further opening my eyes and reassuring me that the road to faith isn´t an easy one, but a path where I can be myself the most and find the most peace. Those who accepted me for who I was and allowed me to keep on growing to find my true self. Those who have moved on to another life but whose memories of their love and generosity live on in my heart and soul. Those who treated me like a sister and daughter regardless of our ties and just gave and gave of themselves. Those who held my hand and my heart when there was nothing else that could be done.

Those who saw further into my future and more in me than I ever could.

For some, saying thank you has become a lost art or a lost cause altogether, but not for me. I can never repay all the kindness I received my entire life but I will remain grateful each and every day and try my best to show to others the same kindness and generosity I received.

Be still, my heart, how fortunate and loved I am. I thank the heavens for all the special people in my life, may they know what a blessing they have been to me and may they always feel the love and gratefulness I have for them.

Hola from Honduras

One week and two days in Hondu. Made it through the official “first week” of training, since last week was “zero week” according to the powers that be. Where do I begin.

Well for one, I am glad to have made it this far. When I thought of training back then, I didn´t really expect to feel like I will be back in school, which is pretty much what the next three months will be. First day of orientation was exactly like the first day of school, with then 53 trainees walking around like lost souls with name tags introducing ourselves and finishing paper work.

Hours of security, medical and cultural sessions, with twice as many language hours later…and down to 51 trainees. We are not quite legit volunteers yet until we are sworn in September 8, that is assuming we all make it that far. But I am quite an optimist.

Isn´t it all so exciting and great and all that good stuff? Yes, it is all of the above, but I am at a point where it all just sinking in and my mood is more subdued than euphoric. The past couple of days I have come to terms with the what, why and how of what I am doing. Not that I ever thought I was off to an exotic vacation and will be staying at the Ritz Carlton in the first place, but in order to deal with the simultaneous emotional roller coaster, physical and psychological adjustments and information overload, I seriously needed to sit myself down and remind myself that I just got myself a new job- at a drastically different scale. Well, okay- so I just got myself a new life.

A familiarly strange world. Our training site is in Santa Lucia situated in the mountains and very much reminds me of Baguio in the Philippines. Seriously- everything just looks like it, including the plants and even a lot of the fruits. It has been a while since I´ve been in tropical fruit heaven. Sometimes I wonder if I´m back in the Philippines, but when I hear ¨Cheque Leque” and see the beans and tortilla for dinner, then I remember that no, not quite.

As for the weather, I didn´t quite expect it to be this cold. Uh, cold enough that I wish I had brought my heavy, fleece blanket ndensum. I have mastered the art of taking 5-minute ice-cold showers at 6 a.m, baby. There are creative ways around this, I know, but I am just the type that needs to take a shower everyday when I wake up, so it´s one of the items on the long list of small things to get used to. I seriously miss my hair dryer, though.

But notice I said shower, por eso, I have running water! Yey! I have my own bathroom in my bedroom too which is more of like a storage area turned into a room but I have all that I need in my new minimalist life. And so far I am good in my supplies of toiletries. Whew!

New family members and a new lifestyle. Funny thing is, I had the feeling that my host family, the Figueroas, will be living more comfortably than one would expect. Sure enough, mom, dad and older brother all have cell phones and well, they have a pretty slammin´ washing machine…to which I don´t have any access, of course. Part of our training is to know how to wash clothes by hand, because once we are assigned our sites, we won´t be having this gadget. Not that I don´t already know how to wash by hand…growing up in Manila trained me well. But, it is pretty ironic for me to be scrubbing away with my clothes on the pila (where all the laundry is done) while the washing machine hums away not very far from where I am.

My host family (anfitriona) is pretty great. A set of parents and two brothers, one is 16, the other 10 years old. Carmen, the mom works at the Peace Corps training center´s cafeteria as the resident cook so yessss….I definitely have a sweet deal. The dad, Francis, is very father-like and seemingly serious and strict, but I know he has a fun side and has been really nice to me.

Oh, did I mention their house is on a mountain, but…we live in barrio abajo. Which means town at the bottom. Serious uphill climb everyday for me and whenever I´d want to go anywhere. Uh, yeah. But I guess that balances the beans-tortilla-rice-avocado everyday diet. But this whole place is breathtakingly gorgeous, it´s surreal being in it on a daily basis. Well, at least for the next three months.

Counting my blessings. If there is a lesson I learned or reinternalized in the past week or so, it is this- nothing worth it in life every comes for free.

This is my first ever post on a blog and I´ve just been rambling about stuff and I can go on and on about sites and turn this into a cool travelogue piece and disguise the fact that I´m also going through a serious life change and adjustment period. I know I´m a pretty tough gal and had a rough idea what I was getting into…the cold water, new food and all that can all be manageable, but ultimately, there´s just no going around the missing people you love part, ya know? And honestly, that is where I am right now…but when I´m at the brink of questioning what it is exactly I´m doing and why, I suddenly remember that…I AM IN HONDURAS TRAINING FOR THE PEACE CORPS.

To all those who´ve known how bad I´ve wanted this for the longest time, then I don´t have to explain further how pretty damn cool it is to be almost quite there, man. And the humbling thing about being on the brink of a dream coming true and making the definitive step of shaping my future is that it is so, so, not easy. I am yet to begin the hard work. I´m used to hard work, but this time it is work that I chose for myself. I wanted meaning, depth, and challenges so bad for so long and here I go.

This blog is for me to remind me one day where I came from and the journey I made and for all those who care to share the journey with me one way or another.